Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Empty Nesting!

Well my nest is empty not sure I am OK with it yet or not. Started to get bored and not sure that a job is the best thing to stop that..but I started to look and have a few options...Playing those out now and just trying to see where they lead.
I started a juice fast 9 days ago. That is really a WOW in my mind. But lost 15 lbs so far. So I am drinking and drinking and drinking. Not the best diet in the world but the one that will help with my Lymphedema. I have been fighting this for the summer and really want to see results. I hope that some day soon I can ride on a airplane again and start my empty nesting travel.
Update on Family...
Ken is working hard and still did not use all his vacation days last year. Yep pretty sure his company loves him. He likes to work? Not sure maybe just likes getting away from me during the day? Hey maybe I need to put more thought into this work schedule of his. jk. He is a good man and he supports his family very good. He has lost 25 lbs on juicing and eating healthier this past summer. Good to him. He thinks my fast is the best thing since candy. Really did I just say candy? Boy what I would do for candy right now. jk maybe not.:)
We are planning out the rest of the year and what we may want to do now that the nest is empty. He decided to take Nic and go Elk hunting this year. That should be a good time for them.
Chrissy... Well she is as always cooking and working. That girl loves to cook. I must say she is really good at it. The first few days of my fast she would come over at lunch time and say." are you done with that yet? Let's go to lunch" then after a few more days she said "You keep going don't break it now" Such a saint I tell you.:) She is busy with all sorts of goings ons but she still has time for her Mommy.
Nicholas....Moved to Wyoming. That was a good thing and and hard thing all at the same time.
He will be back as he does loves his Mom and he is a bit of a Mamma's Boy. I am sure the Holidays will bring him back. I am not sure any of my kids could miss December at my house. He is helping my brother build his new home and it should be done in a month so I am looking for him to call me up and say "I am coming home" This will happen. I keep telling my self anyways. But he is loving Wyoming and all it has to offer. What is has that Utah doesn't not sure....
Taylor...Started working a new job, going to school, and really just being Taylor. He is doing so much better then he was. Taylor has come around and really decided what he wanted out of life. He is my baby and baby him we did. He seems all grown up now and not sure that is what I want. Where is the days of the Little ones? They grow up so fast enjoy them now.
The things we learn after the nest is empty.
Grand kids,, What to Say. THEY ARE GREAT! LOVE THEM!..Really I see them as my bonus in life for raising a family. I have to say they are so cute, funny, and cute some more. I get to spend lots of time with the kids and for this I will always be thankful.
Life is great after empty nest I guess. Ken loves that all my attention is on him.. Little does he know that I am Mothering daily and helping the kids out when I can. But he is the focus now. I was wondering when do I get to be the focus? Really moms are always giving..I think we need more then a day a year to reward, thank, and love us. Yes I think I will be working on Mothers Day Month soon. That opens up so many doors. and I think the bank vault too. jk..maybe not.. but we will see where that leads us.
Thanks to all of you that make our life great and hope that we continue to make this a happy year of renewal and rewards.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Summer Fun

So Summer is off to a slow warming again. Wanted to go boating for the Fathers Day Weekend and Ken's Birthday. That did not happen but this weekend looks like a keeper. Planning a Yuba trip and hoping it is a great time. My Lymph edema is still acting up. In treatment at the UofU hope they can get something worked out. I am really having a hard time with all of this. But chin up others have worse then me. I need to be thankful.
Summer Field Trip Club starts this week. Excited for that. It should be a fun time and summer.
I am living in Salina for the Summer that is a fun place to be. Boating, camping. hiking, riding ATVs, fishing, and all sorts of outdoor sun. I really like my ward and I think that I have a new look out on small towns. It has been nice to be out of the city! For Ken too. The kids come down lots and that has been a fun fun time. What quality time you get when they stay the weekend and you are together the whole time. I love being out of town in more ways then one.
Tell the weekend and I can post some pics...Bye:)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I thought that I was in the clear the day I left the Hospital

I had surgery back in April and I felt so great when I left the hospital. but like always if there is going to be something that goes wrong it will be me. A day after I left the hospital I noticed that my left upper arm was swollen . I have been battling a 3 month battle to find out what is wrong. I finally go to a specialist that tells me I need a UofU specialist and that she cannot help me. so this Thursday I get to meet with my new specialist and find out how my life is going to change.
3 weeks ago I found out that I have Lymphedema in my arm. I think I cried for 3 more days and wondered how the Dr could be so dumb as to hurt my arm. Really a blood pressure cuff that is to small can ruin you for life. I would think that Dr's are smarter then that . But I guess not. So I get to have lymphedema for the rest of my life .
I know that I will rise above this but right now I am not seeing the good that will come out of this.

Friday, April 8, 2011

There is Sunshine in my Soul! :) So Share it!

Why is it that when we get down we just shout , scream, and cry foul. Sometimes from the mountain tops, other times on the big world of the web, and sometimes just to any that will listen? But when we have "Sunshine in our Souls" we do not always take the chance to be heard and spread the word of the Gospel and love that it puts into our lives?

I was thinking I did a lot of complaining in my trails this past year and told all that would listen. But now that I totally feel like a new person and have made myself right in spirit. How is it that now I am happy in heart, that I am more out to try and say high to someone I see or go out and about and be happy . BUT I lack what I should be doing ....And this is spreading the word and make others as happy as I currently feel. Am I scared someone may suck the happiness out of me? I am just so happy and I am OK so I don't wan tto rock the boat? Or is it that I have talked so much about my empty heart to everyone that I feel like I need to stop and soak in the sunshine and shut my mouth? Not really sure .....but I think it maybe that when we are upset we scream to all and when we are happy we tend to act like it is riches and wealth and we keep it to our selves not knowing how long it will last until the next trail comes our way. But today I decided that sharing and caring will keep the "Sunshine in my Soul" and if I share a little I will get 10 fold back . Even filling my heart more until truly my heart will burst of God's loves for all. So I am spreading my Sunshine and I hope that when you come into contact with me that you leave me feeling better then you arrived. Is the Gospel not the greatest thing in our lives? I just love it!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Surgery is over and old age!

So on March 19th I finally had the surgery. a few set backs but it is over! I cannot believe how much better I feel. I had almost no pain at all. Which I think is amazing. I had the surgery done with a robot and that alone is amazing! I am glad to feel about 95% better ands it has been almost 2 weeks. i just cannot lift and I am suffering from the Lupron shot still. Hopefully on Friday I get the shot to start the estrogen back into my body! then all will be great. I read a post from a old high school friend on face book this week.. This is what she posted. Something to think about...We will all get old (hopefully) How do you want to do that? How will you want to live? How will you want to experience a world that feels younger then you? How will you support yourself? Randi Weber. Wow ....is all I could think when I read that posting. That really made me think. I know my answers to all. I know what I want but ....How will I want to experience a world that feels younger then I? That really made me think. I know that the world in my teens was such a fun time but I also see now that i so did not have a clue like I thought i did. In my 20's the world seemed so much older to me. I loved also being in my 20's. I remember thinking that I was excited for the 30's. And it is was a good time in life for me. I grew so much learned and felt confident in being me. ( the 3o yrs) . The world still felt so old to me. I was young and everyone around was older and was so knowledgeable. I learned so much in the 30yrs stage. In my 40's, I have had hard times with teenagers, and great times with friends, family, and just being alive. But the world does not feel so old to me anymore. When I sat in church during my 20's and 30's everyone was so much older then ken and I. I looked at all the people that were ready to retire and those with great careers and life being set for allot of people. They had it made is what I thought. Now seeing that it was not so much made as it was they were content and as your kids start to leave home life is so much different. a calmer peaceful time comes into this stage of life. Grand kids are amazing and they really make life enjoyable beyond words. Now I am 46 and I am changing. At church I feel like one of the older ones. Yes there is still older then I but there are so many young people . New mothers, and allot less older then I and allot more younger then I. I see things different. I look at the new moms and the I see a fun time in life but I am grateful for the stage in life I am in now. Almost a empty Nester, have grand kids, and feel a peacefulness that you just do not have in your early years of marriage and starting a family. I think the biggest thing that you gain is patience, more love and knowledge. I would not like to go back in years. i really like growing older. I am not sure why I may be weird but i love it. Life is such a great experience. i have time to do the things i want now, the means to be able to do what I want, and the desire to make a difference and be a better person. I look at all the things I have done in my life time, all the people i have met, all the opportunities I have had. I love it! I look back and sure there are things I would change but just learning from choices and experiences make life what it is for me now. I mostly think that experiencing the world that feels so much younger then I in 20 years from now is going to be one of the best opportunities there are in this life. i am excited. i want to learn and get to know more people. I want to grow old with Ken and look back at the end of each day and be happy for the ride. I look back now and I get more and more happy for the ride each day. I have learned to enjoy the ride, love the experience, and learn from the hurts, the hard times, and the disappointments in life. I also have such great joy in my life from family, the great experiences, and life lessons. Wow I think is more of the journey to come " The Places I will go" Dr. S. I love that book. I think now at growing old and I think.. "The places I will go" The things I will experience" and The journey that I am ready to embark on". I am at a different stage in life this year it feels like. I am ready to embrace the future , learn from the past, and keep moving on the journey. I long for the days of getting old. Don't get me wrong i want to experience the now. But I am excited for the days of Ken and I. I want to enjoy life at every stage. i think after Randi's post I know what i want from a world that is much younger then I. and what I want in my old age. and it feels great to be moving forward and getting older.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Our Month of Love, Birthday, and braking up with my DR. :)

This month is going by so fast. We have actually been busy and celebrating Valentines and My Birthday. I love the month of February. My birthday last most of the month and we always go on a small weekend trip. It has been so cold this winter that all I wanted was to warm up.
I have finally got a date with my Dr. He has decided that we have been seeing each other for long enough and on March 24th, he is going to get my surgery done and we are going to part ways. It was as much fun as it could be for as long as it lasted. We all knew that this was going to happen. So I am scared but it is time to get this done. I had a shot that shrinks the Fibroid and puts me into the worst state of mind and body a person could be in. We are talking Lupron. The killer of all killers. This has set me into menopause which really has made me decide that my relationship with the Dr. is just not working out. I need to get the surgery done and call it quits. :) So until March 24th i will have night sweats and feel like my body is aching for no reason but to shrink the fibroid. I will tell you that I am pretty sure that even though menopause has it benefits that I really want to not ever go through this again.
So for the fun stuff. This month we went to the Ice Castles up in Midways with the bushman's. It was really fun and the ice is really pretty all lit up at night. A fun night out with the family and fun with friends. It had been awhile since we went any where with the Bushman's so it was a fun time. We have been friends with the Bushman's for a long time and I honestly have to say that they are great people and I am a better person for having got to know them.
I had a girls night out this month that I really needed and we just visited and had fun catching up and talking about our lives. God has blessed me with great friends that I can call on when I need a time out with girls.
This month I also received a few presents through the month. Clothes, jewelry, and a trip to St George for the long weekend. Valentines was today and I received a few more gifts and as always Ken knows me best and he did a great job picking out presents. I only want some new perfume and I should let him off for the month of giving. He really goes with my Birthday Month and I love him for it. I was at my Parents house this weekend and I was able to have a great time with them and my Uncle Jim and Aunt Myrna. They are all awesome people. I am blessed with allot of great people in mine and my families life.
I have to say this month has been awesome. I am married to a great man and my family makes me happy. I love to be with them. Times can be hard with the kids and the things they may be going through but all in all life is great and I am very blessed.
We were in St George and the weather was so great. I just loved it. I am wondering why I cannot move there. But Ken's job needs to be by the city so until we can retire I guess I am stuck in the city of COLD!. But summer will be here soon. I have to say that life is great and things I needed to lay to rest are rested, friends that i needed to see have been visited, and people I love know I love them. So for a month that is only half over, it seems to be headed in the right direction.
I just need to start my next goal and it starts tomorrow so wish me luck and I will be crossing more off my goal list for the new year soon.
Love you all. Thanks to all those that bless ours lives.

Sunday, January 23, 2011


I have always loved Sundays. I like that it feels like a day of rest, the peacefulness that comes to your mind, heart, and soul, and most of all the love I feel from my FAMILY! It is the best feeling to see your kids walk in the door on a Sunday Afternoon! We all are together again. We laugh, talk, and even sometimes cry. As your kids get older and there are less living at home it can sometimes feel lonely. I hate lonely.
This past year was a hard year with change. Nic moved out, Chrissy got a divorce, and we had to take a break from life as we knew it. So much had gone on in one year that it felt like to much! As things have calmed we have worked our way back out to the world and see that no matter what Family is most important. Not that we did not know this before,. But that no matter what anyone else says, does, or thinks. Our Family is what counts.
People like to gossip, people like to point fingers, and people do not like to forgive. Well some do. But why is it that the ones that are the most lethal are the ones that stand out front and center. But if you bother to look a little to the left or a little to the right you can see all the other wonderful people standing behind them. But in the heat of the moment they are just there? I am not sure why. Is it our anger, pride, or lack of knowledge because of a hurtful cloudy mind? I think mostly because we do not take the time to look. We judge and only see what is dead center in front of us. I think this is where Christ Like Behavior is not always easy to choose. If I could choose the right every time I would be perfect. but we all know I am not.
I was listening to a talk about being hurtful or being hurt by others. We sometimes think before reacting but mostly react before thinking. How many times do you think..? oh I could have done different with that situation but do not go back and try to fix it. I think we learn from the mistake of our reactions but we do not always let the person we hurt know that. It is just as important to learn as it is to say I am sorry.
I am so excited for new beginnings and new relationships. Life is sweet if we stop to savor the taste. Sometimes we are to busy but this year I want to taste life, savor the the goodness it has to offer and not be quick to judge. I want to treat others the way I want to be treated and love all of God's Children. Not just the ones that are easy to love but the hard ones too.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Amish Grace

I watched the movie "Amish Grace" last night with Ken. I have to tell you that it was the most touching movie I have ever watched. Maybe for where I am at in life, the fact it was true, or it is just that good of a story. I cannot even begin to think that I am anywhere on the same playing field as this group of Amish people. There love and forgiveness is amazing. I am a better person to have watched this movie. That is allot to say when most movies these days we could actually of done with out.

I cannot think of a time a movie touched ken or I this much. I cried and cried. Ken said it brought tears to him like no movie had ever before. I would say to watch this movie as a family. Talk about it and have a good family home evening with this being your activity. These people could teach us all something.
My sister in law is from a Amish Group much like this one. In fact she share the same maiden name as the man lady in the movie. Ida Graber. I can see why some may choose to leave at the age of 15 but I am not sure if I grew up Amish. I would have ever been able to leave and handle this world. If we all could be as Christ like and Forgiving as these people, the world would be a amazing place.
So my movie recommendation for the week is "Amish Grace" If you watch it let me know what you think.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


It is so cold here this year. I have had snow at my house on the ground for almost a month now. It shows no signs of melting. I hate the fact that once Christmas is over that I always want to see some warmer days. When the first day of winter was only December 21st. This year I told myself I was going to enjoy the winter go skiing a little bit more and do activities outside so I could enjoy the winter and not wish for spring so fast.
Someone told me the other day. " You need a good hard winter to really enjoy Spring" You could also say that you need a Wet Spring to really enjoy Summer and a Hot Summer to really enjoy Fall. And a dry Fall and many blessing so you would enjoy winter again and the Holidays. Cuz really what kind of fall would make you really want a winter this cold?
I cannot even bring myself to go skiing while the kids are in school because it is so cold. I wanted to do some night skiing this year but it is so cold. I have not even been sitting in the hot tub because the nights are so cold when Ken gets home. I really do not want Spring yet, but is asking for warmer winter days to much?
I have to say I am blessed with a nice warm house to live in, a nice car to drive in the snow, and many fun times with my kids in doors visiting. So all is not lost to a cold winter. Sometimes we rush life and maybe that is what I am doing. Sitting back and enjoying the winter is maybe just what I should be doing. So when spring does get here I will be all the happy to see her.
I know that every year when Spring comes along it does make you feel like your alive again and just adds something special into our souls. Maybe this year it will be a renewing like I have never had before and at that point I will be happy for the long, hard, cold, and wet winter.
Happy Winter Wonderland to all my Friends!:)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

First of the Year...

The first of the year always starts out with goals and ideas for the new year. By April some goals are lost only to be found next January and some are 1/4th way to completion. This year I decided not not make any goals that I cannot promise to keep. This way feeling like a failure in April and then running full speed ahead into Summer not looking back and putting off till after Christmas what I should have done the year prior. Will not be part of my life.
I have so many things that in which I feel need to be done, resolved, or planned for this year.
I put off surgery, my weight goal, my trip to Europe, trip to Disneyland, and making things better where I failed to be Christ like. Maybe the whole issue on why I did not complete these goals can be summed up in one area of my life. Not being Christ like at all times. Who knows maybe it is my punishment.
But this year I plan on keeping my goals, plans, and ideas. I am actually a spunky person with more energy to do with then i know what to do with. So sometimes in ends up negative. Well did not plan on letting people know my faults but I guess here you go. I have a streak in me that is bratty . To some it will be a surprise others will say.. DUH! That is one of my goals to smash that out as much as possible. You all know that some spunk has to stay it is just me and there is no taking it all out of me. I know this other goal may seem dumb...But... I hate shoes. I know I am weird. I love flip flops. They are my life. Well almost. I have more flip flops then most people have shoes. I buy about 10 pair at the beginning of summer every year. As I get older I have had to realize I am going to ruin my feet if I do not wear shoes half the year. So I have been wearing shoes this winter. I know you all think what she wears flip flops in the snow. Well I do and even today you can find my snow boots in my truck and socks in my car. It is just me. If I get stranded I have closed toe shoes. I know it is dumb but you can take the girl out of the beach but you cannot take the beach out of the girl. My nickname because of this is "Little Indian Feet" :)
Another goal I have is to lose some weight. Did I say some? Well i meant to say allot. :) I know this is every ones goal and it seems as few reach it each year. But this is my year. I am doing it. I am not on the steroids anymore and I should lose the weight. So I have realistic goals for this and I am a proud member of Golds. Gym. Keep me in your prayers for this goal. Not a easy one. I think I can turn my self into the sweetest woman you ever met before losing the weight. Just kidding we all know that will never happen. I will be a tooth pick before the brat totally comes out of me. lol.
My goal of getting the vacations in that I have wanted. I need to plan and carry out and not let little things be used to stand in the way of making memories. and taking pictures and videos. for Christmas we bought everyone a camera. Ken got a new video camera and I am still trying to find the right Nikon D90. But Birthday is a not far off so it will happen soon.
My goal that I do not want is to just get the surgery done and over with. I am scared and I need to get it done before spring hits us again. So even though this is a goal that I would rather not have. I have cancelled the surgery again and now I have made the commitment to call and rebook it. I have to have this done. There is no getting around it.
My goal that is most meaningful is to be more Christ like and stand as a better example, better Mom, and better Companion to my Spouse. I need to move on from things that have hurt, scared, and made me just check out of the program of life sometimes. I want to be a Christ like person even when it may hurt. I know that in the end all that I will have is the life that I devoted to being a Child of God here on earth and showing my family, friends, and strangers what true unconditional love is. I am not a bad person. but I could use a little more saint hood in me. I struggle with turning the other cheek and being Christ like at all times. So lots falls under this goal but lots can be learned, loved, and nourished with a little more Christianity. I pray for strength to complete this goal.
So the year has started out and I am in the game to win it. I hope that all of you are working steadfast and in the right direction with your goals. To all my Friends, Family, and Strangers reading my blog. love to you all and I hope this year 2011 is your year too.!
God Bless and May You Always Feel His Presents in Your Life!