Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Surgery is over and old age!

So on March 19th I finally had the surgery. a few set backs but it is over! I cannot believe how much better I feel. I had almost no pain at all. Which I think is amazing. I had the surgery done with a robot and that alone is amazing! I am glad to feel about 95% better ands it has been almost 2 weeks. i just cannot lift and I am suffering from the Lupron shot still. Hopefully on Friday I get the shot to start the estrogen back into my body! then all will be great. I read a post from a old high school friend on face book this week.. This is what she posted. Something to think about...We will all get old (hopefully) How do you want to do that? How will you want to live? How will you want to experience a world that feels younger then you? How will you support yourself? Randi Weber. Wow all I could think when I read that posting. That really made me think. I know my answers to all. I know what I want but ....How will I want to experience a world that feels younger then I? That really made me think. I know that the world in my teens was such a fun time but I also see now that i so did not have a clue like I thought i did. In my 20's the world seemed so much older to me. I loved also being in my 20's. I remember thinking that I was excited for the 30's. And it is was a good time in life for me. I grew so much learned and felt confident in being me. ( the 3o yrs) . The world still felt so old to me. I was young and everyone around was older and was so knowledgeable. I learned so much in the 30yrs stage. In my 40's, I have had hard times with teenagers, and great times with friends, family, and just being alive. But the world does not feel so old to me anymore. When I sat in church during my 20's and 30's everyone was so much older then ken and I. I looked at all the people that were ready to retire and those with great careers and life being set for allot of people. They had it made is what I thought. Now seeing that it was not so much made as it was they were content and as your kids start to leave home life is so much different. a calmer peaceful time comes into this stage of life. Grand kids are amazing and they really make life enjoyable beyond words. Now I am 46 and I am changing. At church I feel like one of the older ones. Yes there is still older then I but there are so many young people . New mothers, and allot less older then I and allot more younger then I. I see things different. I look at the new moms and the I see a fun time in life but I am grateful for the stage in life I am in now. Almost a empty Nester, have grand kids, and feel a peacefulness that you just do not have in your early years of marriage and starting a family. I think the biggest thing that you gain is patience, more love and knowledge. I would not like to go back in years. i really like growing older. I am not sure why I may be weird but i love it. Life is such a great experience. i have time to do the things i want now, the means to be able to do what I want, and the desire to make a difference and be a better person. I look at all the things I have done in my life time, all the people i have met, all the opportunities I have had. I love it! I look back and sure there are things I would change but just learning from choices and experiences make life what it is for me now. I mostly think that experiencing the world that feels so much younger then I in 20 years from now is going to be one of the best opportunities there are in this life. i am excited. i want to learn and get to know more people. I want to grow old with Ken and look back at the end of each day and be happy for the ride. I look back now and I get more and more happy for the ride each day. I have learned to enjoy the ride, love the experience, and learn from the hurts, the hard times, and the disappointments in life. I also have such great joy in my life from family, the great experiences, and life lessons. Wow I think is more of the journey to come " The Places I will go" Dr. S. I love that book. I think now at growing old and I think.. "The places I will go" The things I will experience" and The journey that I am ready to embark on". I am at a different stage in life this year it feels like. I am ready to embrace the future , learn from the past, and keep moving on the journey. I long for the days of getting old. Don't get me wrong i want to experience the now. But I am excited for the days of Ken and I. I want to enjoy life at every stage. i think after Randi's post I know what i want from a world that is much younger then I. and what I want in my old age. and it feels great to be moving forward and getting older.